Break Me Down

How in the hell am I supposed to live without you. I just cant do it anymore. You know you left me, you broke my heart, you did all this shit to me and i just cant let you go. Talking on the phone with you tonight just justified everything that i've thought these past couple of weeks. You're not over me and you never will be. I knwo you still love me but thats just something that you'll never tell me. i mean why else could you never give up taht stupid patch i bought you. Why is it that you have you in that hat as your profile pic and its not you and kaila anymore? What is that stupid secret that you cant tell me? i'll tell you mine.

I never stopped loving you and i never will. Even when i get married i'll still wish it was you.

I wish there was a way i could build up the courage to actually tell you this. if i ever find that courage i guess you'll know but till then i guess i have this blog that i know you'll never read.

Edward Oliver Zufall III

<3

Weight loss adventures.

Date::11/16/09

Weight::252

Honestly, I grotesque myself. It's time for a change. This is the highest i've weighed in my life and i'm not proud of it at all. They say the freshman 15 bite you in the ass. Well i believe it injected my ass with cellulite. I really need to be healthier. I want a man in my life and what man wants a 252 lbs. 5'4 fat ass as his woman. I certainly wouldn't be proud to have myself on my arm. So heres to a new life and hopefully new love.

wish me luck
<3Tabatha

City and Colour

It's hard to adapt to college life and working at a well respected company. Don't get me wrong i love my job and i'm proud to be going to school to be a nurse but damn. I really have no time for anything anymore. I'm making all this money but i cant use it on anything cause my job prevents me from having a life. I am buying a new phone here in about a week or so :] i can finally get rid of that piece of shit i'm forced to call a cell phone. It'll be nice to have a nice phone. I think i might have gone over my texting limit this month by like 113 messages. shit. but it's okay. i have a job so i can pay it off. i feel pretty secure in that whole deal. Ugh tomorrow's gonna be a long day but atleast its FALL :] i love how the leaves turn into beautiful colors and the temperature is tolerable and feels nice to just wear a sweatshirt. This is really my favorite time of year.

O geez

so its been a long time and im happy to say im falling all over again :D

Its a funny feeling.

but anyway. I found this old friend again and he's hilarious. I swear we are twins. He lives in Alabama though so its kinda hard to hold a relationship but we're managing. <3

I cant help but love him. haha he's turning into my best friend. I should be going down there for Spring Break and i plan on spending most of that time with him. I wish there could be a relationship between us that is more than just a friendship but we have decided on staying close friends for now. We both just got out of serious relationships so its good that we're not rushing things. He's making me run my texting bill up sky high though haha.

I need to upload some stuff to my ipod but im being lazy and i dont want too. GAH new phone is coming here soon <3>

I need to go cook dinner but im still being lazy :D and its like 8:00 pm o geez. All dietitions hate me right now <3

You're Gonna Miss This

I miss her.

I miss him.

I miss this.

I forget as time goes on how much my life has changes.

The girl in the top picture is Krystal. She was my best friend from first to fourth grade. We were inseperable until i moved to Indiana from Alabama. Then we lost touch and i have no idea where she is anymore. It sucks.

The guy in the second picture is Derek. I fell head over heels for him and there is a long story behind our love. We broke up officially and i miss him terribly.

Then you go to the third picture and those were my best friends for a long time. From left to right they are Diane, Baby MoMo, Katie, Sammy, Me and Kayla in the front. WE all split up when we reached our senior year. Now its just Katie, Sammy and Me.

Damn how things change.

Rant

I need a tissue. My nose is running like crazy and its giving me a sinus headache. I have to file my taxes today and it just doesnt sound all that thrilling. O wait and add on the fact that i have too put up my college apps and fafsa. Hopefully i get into purdue officially. Like for the nursing program. IT SUCKS!
Anyway. I have to start memorizing my dances and stuff for Children of Eden. They are so intense and im not the best dancer ever. But ill do it. haha. Ill probably be the laughing stock of the production but i dont care.
GAH I WANT SOME ORANGE JUICE AND KLEENEXES!!!!!!!
im okay. haha. so im listening to Black hole sun by soundgarden. its just so comforting and its supposed to be so deppressing. I need a song like that right now. my parents quit smoking about a week ago and they gave up today. Its pitiful if you ask me. I mean how week can you be. I guess smoking can be a serious addiction i guess. Still pitiful. Now they are dogging me about not playing a game and i feel like absolute shit. whatever. time to work on my taxes. <3

Derek

If you are reading this I hope all is well. We grew apart so long ago but I held on with the hope that we could find eachother again. Our story was unique, yes, but every good story must come to an end and its not always happily ever after. We shared something special that other couples wait an entire lifetime to find in eachother. I am thankful for the love and happiness we had and I am not bitter that it had to end. The fact that we are so young makes it easier because the young are resilient. I will never deny that i loved you or that i whole heartedly believed we were meant to be together. You brought sunshine into my life that i never had before and i thank you for that.

You said you wanted to die alone but I hope you did not mean that. I know you could make a woman very happy someday if you would just open your heart and mind to all the possibilities that surround you. Love is a gift no to be taken for granted. You must cherish it when you find it ,as i did, and hold on with both hands.
I will not cry over you tonight and i do not plan on crying over you in the near future. We shared a priceless connection that was severed but that is no reason to cry. I love you and I will always keep a place for you in my heart.

Maybe someday we will find eachother again, but until that day i will not regret the love we shared or the memories we made. Goodbye my love and godspeed cause he knows we all need it.

Sunset

Sunset Lullaby

Let go of old hours

Let go of the day

Let's go back in time

Before childhood ran away

Let's go back to our old ways

Singing and dreaming

Questions without meaning

Sleeping in our beanie

Bag chairs and we're leaning back

Not yet knowing the limits we have

Learn how to walk

But forget how to talk

Knowing just who we are

Not yet knowing how to break hearts

We'll wish on stars for brand new cars

And we'll drive all day

We'll drive all day long

We'll drive far far away

We'll drive parents up the wall

We'll gain useless knowledge

Get sent off to college

We'll work really hard

And we'll get so so far

Away from the innocent beings we are

Let go of the day

Hold onto your life

It's really not bad

So just keep your eyes dry

Don't be scared to be open

Don't be scared to smile

Cause really we all are just

A child on the inside

There goes the sun

Settling down in bed

Look at the clouds now

They're painted so red

Here come the stars

Ready to brighten my face

I'm not so sure that

I feel like leaving this place just yet