god help me let go

So i just watched Nights in Rodanthe and it really made me reflect on my life. I have loved the greatest love of all. I believe that i have felt true love but i had to let it go. It was young in life, that is very true, however it was very real and i can still feel the passion in my heart. Someday's are harder than others but i'm getting by slowly every second. I guess you can say it's a slow process healing a broken heart but it does heal with time. You cant ever completely heal a deep wound, there will always be a scar but that scar can be covered up and hopefully with time forgotten. Yes it's true i will always love you, Ed, however i have to move on and try to love again. Zach is a good man, honest and very open with his feelings. Plus i do know that he will never hurt me the way you hurt me in September of 2008. I've held on to the hope that i would be with you again for far to long and i've got to learn to let go of you and that hope. Sometimes i have to wonder why you let me go but we've gone over that time and time again. I don't believe i'll ever completely know why i lost you but i know a little bit that it was both of us who let our love slip away. i was immature, selfish and didn't appreciate who i had in my grasp at the time. I still wish that i could go back in time and fix what i know cant be mended. You were lost in your world of drugs and confusion. I was still in high school while you were in college and i admit it was hard. allot harder than we ever planned it to be but that summer we spent together was priceless. my world revolved around you for those few short months in the hot summer heat. I ate, slept and breathed you. I had the grand plan that i would marry you someday but i was sorely mistaken. I almost thank Katie for bringing me back to reality when you had been in that reality for a while before that. I actually take that back. I don't thank katie but i do appreciate what she did, not how she did it. I will never, however, wish any bad fortune upon her. I don't believe she knew what she was doing at the time. I know you knew, ed, i know full well that you knew what you were doing but i think you were trying to fill that gap that i was unable to fill. Maybe now you have realized that i could've filled that gap with everything you've gone through but we'll never completely know. I know we can be friends. The hurt subsides with time and with each time i talk to you, i become more comfortable with the fact that i will never be able to look you in the eye and tell you i love you. I will never be held in your wonderful arms and i will never kiss those lips i thought would never kiss anyone else's but mine.

Time does heal all wounds and yes it leaves a tiny scar. But i look at that scar and i'm reminded of all the wonderful day's we shared together. I will never be sorry for everything we did together and i'll never forget the way i felt when i saw you drive up (or heard you drive up :]) You were my everything and a part of my heart will always belong to you.

I love you, Edward Oliver Zufall III, always have and always will. I hope that someday you will find peace and happiness because i have hope that i will. I'll forever just be a phone call away for you to talk or even turn too.

with all my love and devotion,

Tabatha Gaskill